


Four Count

by HelgaStillwell



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Developing Friendships, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hell Trauma, Hurt/Comfort, Male Friendship, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:54:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22993531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelgaStillwell/pseuds/HelgaStillwell
Summary: As much as Nick wanted to lash out and tell Harvey to fuck off, he knew with a stab of shame and embarrassment that he needed the mortal's help. Of all the people around it just had to be him. He had to be a pathetic blubbering mess in front of 𝘩𝘪𝘮.OrNick has a panic attack and Harvey helps him calm down.
Relationships: Harvey Kinkle & Sabrina Spellman, Nicholas Scratch & Harvey Kinkle, Nicholas Scratch/Sabrina Spellman
Comments: 9
Kudos: 70





	1. Chapter 1

"Son of an angel! Not right now. Not fucking now," Nick gasped out as he felt his heart rate spike. This happened so often lately that he immediately recognized the first symptoms of a panic attack. His palms and back were already slick with sweat as he tried to make his way outside. His vision fogged around the edges and he felt like he couldn't get air into his lungs fast enough. Nick needed to get outside right now. He was gasping loudly for breaths as he leaned against the wall to support his rapidly numbing limbs. He heard someone say something behind him as he pulled open the door and made it into the cool night air. Collapsing on the stairs of The Academy, he heard the voice again but couldn't make out any words. It sounded like he was underwater. Someone had followed him outside but he couldn't concentrate enough to see who.

Nick squeezed his eyes shut tightly as his hands started to seize up from the excess of oxygen in his muscles. They balled into fists and his nails dug sharply into his skin. The sting of pain grounded Nick long enough for him to look up and see a figure kneel down in front of him. His vision was blurry with tears but he recognized the voice calling out, "Nick? Hey, man are you okay? Nick?" It was Harvey. Nick tried to speak, to tell him that it was only a panic attack and that it would pass but all that came out was another strangled gasp. "I'll go get Sabrina," Harvey said standing up.

"No!" Nick shouted. "P-please don't," he begged. Harvey's face, now coming into focus was a mix of confusion and concern, but he didn't move to go get her. He must think I'm insane, Nick thought to himself as he tried to steady his breathing to explain the situation.

"Panic attack," Nick managed to say, "I'm fine."

"Are you sure you don't want me to get Sabrina? Maybe she can help."

"No. I... I don't want her t-to see me like this," he said sounding like he'd just ran a mile. "Just need to... Catch my breath."

"Is there anything I can do?" Harvey asked still eyeing Nick with concern. Nick just shook his head and tried to focus on the rattling gasps he called his breath. Blood began to drip from his clenched fists onto the stairs. His heart jumped again and his muscles started to twitch painfully.

As much as Nick wanted to lash out and tell Harvey to fuck off, he knew with a stab of shame and embarrassment that he needed the mortal's help. Of all the people around it just had to be him. He had to be a pathetic blubbering mess in front of 𝘩𝘪𝘮. Nick didn't have time for this though. He needed to get back inside and help. His coven needed him so he did the only thing he could do and put aside what was left of his pride, asking Harvey in a whisper, "Can you count? So I can.... Can match my breath?"

"Uh yeah sure. To what?"

Nick muttered out "four," and so Harvey counted to four over and over again to help Nick slow his breathing. It was much easier to focus on the sound of someone else's voice but out of everyone's voice, it had to be his. It was humiliating to have his ex-girlfriend's ex-boyfriend help calm him down from a random breakdown. He couldn't help but think how pathetic he must have looked. As if Nick wasn't embarrassed enough about what had happened to him in Hell and how everyone seemed to know about it the second he got back. Now even the mortal was looking at him with pity as he continued the four-count. He felt weak.

After a few minutes, the attack peaked and Nick was slowly coming back to himself. He flexed his fingers and toes out of their contortions and wiped the tears from his eyes. His breathing had slowed to a semi-normal pace and he stopped Harvey's counting with gesture in his direction.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Nick said, too embarrassed to meet his gaze. "Don't tell Sabrina about this, okay?" His eyes fixed on the bloodstained ground in front of him. He looked down to see that his nails left deep crescent moon cuts in his palms and muttered an incantation under his breath to stop the bleeding.

"I think she'd want to know. She'd want to help."

"I don't want to be a burden. She's got bigger things to worry about than me."

"She loves you." Nick stayed silent not knowing what to say. "She'd die for you," Harvey said echoing Nick's words from so long ago.

"I know," he said simply.

"But you don't. You weren't there, Nick. She went to the mines every single day you were gone to try to open those gates. She barely ate. She barely slept. She was having nightmares about you every night. She went to school but only to keep her aunts off her back. She would have her head in some witchy book the entire time trying to figure out how to get you back. We tried to get her to take a break or something but she refused. She was running herself into the ground because every single second for a month straight she was trying to get you back."

"What do you want me to say?" Nick asked. "I know what she did for me, what all of you did for me. I love her but I can't be around her. I just keep hurting her." Nick wasn't sure why he was talking to Harvey of all people about this. The moment felt surreal, like a dream. He was probably just exhausted and disassociated from his panic attack. Nick rubbed his face in his hands roughly before sighing loudly. "I don't... I came back fucked up okay? That's why I broke up with her. I'm... I'm just too messed up to not drag her down with me right now. I don't want to hurt her again. I won't."

"You already are. Can't you see that? She went to Hell for you and now you're pushing her away?"

"Trust me she's better off without me," Nick said picking at the blood that dried in the lines of his palms.

"I don't think that's how she feels."

"You don't understand. When I came back... I still had some of the Dark Lord inside me. He'd been torturing me for what felt like decades and... I just couldn't take it. I was drunk and high off my ass the entire time. I did and said some really awful things to her."

"You cheated."

Nick sighed heavily and looked down in shame saying, "Yeah. Yeah, I did."

"But you had the devil inside you and you don't anymore but you still broke up with her. Why?"

"I had Lucifer in me but it still felt like I was doing those things to her, like I was the one that felt those things for her. I hated her when he was still inside me like I've never hated anyone before. I could barely stand the sight of her. All I could see was Lucifer. It-it's just confusing. It's hard to tell where my thoughts began and his ended and she deserves so much better if that's even close to how I really feel. I just really don't want to hurt her."

"Well, it doesn't sound like you hate her. It sounds like you're still trying to protect her like you were when you went to Hell."

Nick shook his head, dark curls falling into his face. "Why are you saying this? Why are you helping me?" Nick finally asked.

Harvey shrugged and stood up saying, "You saved my life. You saved all of our lives and you looked like you needed help. Plus I know Brina's worried about you, but she wants to give you space so I thought... I don't know I guess I just thought I could check up on you for her."

He moved toward the door but Nick stopped him saying, "You're not going to tell her about this though, right?"

"No, but I think you should."

"Do you still love her?" Nick asked abruptly.

Harvey was caught off guard by the question. He paused for a moment before saying, "Yes, but not like I used to. I love her, but I'm not still in love with her if that's what you're asking. Besides, I love Roz and Sabrina loves you," he said turning to leave.

"Wait," Nick called, stopping him again. "Thank you, Harvey." Not Harry, or Kinkle, or Mortal, or Farmboy, but Harvey.

A smile flashed across Harvey's face. "Don't mention it, Scratch," he said heading back inside.

Nick sat on the steps a moment longer thinking about what Harvey said to him. It was strange because they'd never really liked each other but merely tolerated one other for Sabrina's sake. He'd always thought of Harvey as competition but now he seemed to be presenting himself as an ally, even pushing him back toward Sabrina. Nick's distrusting nature caused a sense of suspicion to creep up in his mind, looking for some ulterior motive but something about their interaction felt so genuine. Nick had been trying lately to see the world in a less cynical light. Hell had hardened his already closed off exterior but maybe Harvey was just trying to be helpful and maybe he meant what he said about Sabrina still being in love with Nick. He even made it sound like Nick might still stand a chance of fixing things with her, like she wanted him to fix things with her.

Nick stood slowly, shaking slightly from the cold of his drying sweat and took a deep breath of chilled air. He turned to face The Academy and for the first time since sharing a body with the devil himself, Nick felt the smallest bit of hope stir in his chest.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nick hadn't just emoted in front of him, he'd had a full-on meltdown and of fucking course, the mortal with all of his mortal feelings would want to talk about it. Nick sensed his eyes on him the second Ambrose disappeared from the room.  
> Or  
> Harvey wants to talk about the panic attack

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be a one shot but a second chapter came to me and aggressively demanded I write it

"Are you going to say something or just keep staring at me? It's creepy," Nick said, not looking up from one of the many books spread out in front of him on the Spellman's dining room table. Several people had been there in the evening, helping with research, but as the sun fell over the horizon and the night sky rose through the windows in the Spellman house, their numbers had dwindled. Sabrina had left not long ago, but only after Nick caught her stifling yawns and asked her to go to bed. That left him, Harvey, and Ambrose. Nick hoped and prayed that someone would outlast Harvey at the table so he wouldn't have to talk about what had happened the night before but much to his displeasure, the last Spellman soon took several volumes up to his room to continue his reading, leaving Nick alone with Harvey. Nick hadn't just emoted in front of him, he'd had a full-on meltdown and of fucking course, the mortal with all of his mortal feelings would want to talk about it. Nick sensed his eyes on him the second Ambrose disappeared from the room.

"Hi," Harvey said awkwardly from his seat across the table.

"What do you want?" Nick asked flatly.

"Um, I just wanted to make sure you were okay... after yesterday." 

"I'm fine, Kinkle," Nick snapped, immediately regretting the aggression in his tone. 

"There's the Nick I know," Harvey said, getting up from his seat. "Glad to see you're feeling better, jackass," he mumbled under his breath.

"Wait, sit back down," Nick sighed contritely, but Harvey didn't move. He gestured to the chair impatiently but Harvey stood in stoic defiance until Nick added "Please?" Harvey looked annoyed but did as he asked.

There was another stretch of silence between them as Nick stared at a spot on the table, mustering the strength to swallow the pitiful remains of his pride to say quickly and softly, "Sorry."

He glanced up to catch a look of genuine surprise cross Harvey's face. "It's okay. I figured you were probably just embarrassed," he said. Nick's eyes narrowed as Harvey hurriedly added, "Though you shouldn't be. I've had a few panic attacks before so I know they suck and can be really intense."

"I'm fine. Can we just move past it?" Nick asked, looking back to his books and notes.

"Nick, have you tried talking to anyone about... what's been going on?" he asked hesitantly. Nick couldn't look up at him but continued to pretend to read. Why was he like this? Nick knew that Harvey didn't even like him. Why would he? Nick had been nothing but rude, condescending, and standoffish around Harvey. He'd stomped out any possibility of them being friends before they'd even met. Nick had been terrified that what he had with Sabrina wasn't real, that he was just a her heartbroken fling but taking those insecurities out on Harvey used to make him feel much better. It gave him a taste of control at a time when he was nothing but a foot soldier, unable to do much else aside from following orders. 

Satan's orders, Sabrina's orders.

_Be strong._

_Be strong._

_Be strong for me..._

Nicholas Scratch was so tired of trying to be strong, but how could he be weak in front of Harvey. It was mortifying enough yesterday. He wasn't sure he could handle it again today. 

"No," Nick answered, not even looking up as he idly flipped the page. He didn't want to lie to Harvey, but he didn't want to elaborate either.

"Is there anyone you can talk to? Parent? Friend? Teacher? Someone you trust?"

"My parents are dead. My teachers, save Zelda, are also dead. I suppose I have my friend Dorian, but I'm trying to lay off the liquor and I only see him at his bar," he said passively.

"Trying not to drink is really good," Harvey said, clearing his throat. "And I'm sorry about your parents. My mom died when I was little, but I don't really remember."

"It's fine. It was a long time ago," Nick said monotonously.

"Is there anyone else you can talk to?" he asked.

Nick shook his head saying softly, "I only have one other friend."

"Come on, I thought you were supposed to be popular?" Harvey teased in a light tone.

Nick rolled his eyes, finally looking up from the book, "Just because people want to fuck you, doesn't mean they want to talk about your feelings, especially when it comes to witches."

"Okay, I'm just going to ignore that. What about the other friend?" Harvey asked.

"Sabrina, obviously," Nick said, growing increasingly vexed. This conversation had already gone on far longer than he would have liked.

"But you won't talk to her," he stated.

"I can't. Not about this."

"Shouldn't that be exactly what you talk about? Addressing the elephant in the room might help," Harvey suggested.

"An elephant? What are you talking about?"

"It's an expression. It means there's something that needs to be said, but everyone just pretends it isn't there. It's uncomfortable because everyone should be talking about the elephant, but no one does. Does that make sense?" Harvey explained.

"Yeah, like when witches don't mention the crucifix in the cauldron," Nick said.

Harvey furrowed his brows and shrugged, saying, "Sure. Why not mention the crucifix to Sabrina?"

"Why do you keep doing that?" Nick snapped with a sudden spike of agitation coursing through him. He ran his hand through his hair, pushing the overgrown curls out of the way. He used to keep his hair so nicely cut and combed, but he just couldn't be bothered with it these days.

"Doing what?" Harvey asked, recoiling slightly in his seat.

"Trying to get me to fix things with Sabrina. You can't possibly think I'm good for her. I don't understand what you're getting from this?" Nick had tried and tried to find some ulterior motive in Harvey's actions yesterday. He said he was just checking in for Sabrina, but Nick still felt like he was missing something. "Why did you even go with her to Hell?"

Nick watched as a deep blush crept up Harvey's neck. He tugged at his shirt collar and shifted uncomfortably in his seat, eyes somewhere distant before saying in a small voice, "I was the one that carried you to the gates. I handed you over to Lilith. I didn't like you, but I didn't think you deserved to be in Hell and I gave you to her anyway. I guess I wanted to be the one to carry you out."

"You wanted to redeem yourself," Nick said, nodding in understanding. He knew what that felt like to so desperately need something to lift the weight in your chest and quell the storm in your gut that raged at the mere thought of your sins. There was one thing he didn't quite understand yet, though. "For whom?"

"Me. I should have at least said something, but I didn't. It was wrong, and I needed to make it right."

"All despite not liking me?"

"After everything in the spring I was sure you were the asshole I thought you were from the start, but then you stayed. You've been here whenever she's needed you, without question. I know you love her. You wouldn't be here if you didn't. You wouldn't have gone to Hell if you didn't. Things aren't as simple as I'd like them to be. I just know she's a lot happier when you're around. You don't see her face when you leave."

Nick felt like he was falling. Every time he left Sabrina's house that summer, he would walk down the curved path, past the cemetery, and to the yellow sign at the end of the road, wanting to stay as close as possible to her before teleporting away. Every time he stood by that sign he would look back at the Spellman house up on the hill and he'd feel his heart splinter just a little more. He was surprised it hadn't been crushed to a fine powder by now, threatening to blow away with even the smallest breeze. He hadn't let himself consider that Sabrina felt the same cracking, crushing blow every time he walked away. If he had, he wasn't sure he would be able to stop himself from running right back up that path. Nick sighed and said softly, "I hate hurting her, but I can't face her yet. I'm not ready"

"If you're waiting to feel ready, then I'm not sure it'll ever happen," Harvey said softly. "It never did for me."

"I just need more time to get a little normalcy, or at least something resembling it. There are parts of me that are so... so gnarled and twisted beyond recognition by Hell that I can't even bear to look at them. I couldn't let her see that. Then she'd see what I see, a fucking stranger," Nick spat bitterly as his throat suddenly felt tight. He sat up straighter and took a deep dreg of his coffee, blinking rapidly and feeling his cheeks burn at the sudden moment of vulnerability he expressed in front of Harvey. He had already seen him cry once, and there was no way in heaven Nick was going to let it happen again.

Both boys avoided the gaze of the other as Harvey cleared his throat and asked sheepishly, "Have you thought about maybe seeing a professional?"

"A professional what?" 

"LIke a therapist or a counselor? Do you have those?" Harvey asked, watching Nick shake his head. "Well, when a mortal is having trouble with mental health, they go to a therapist who helps them talk about it."

"Like by giving you a truth potion?" Nick asked uncertainly. 

"No. Nothing like that," Harvey said, staring at him strangely. "They're someone that you can talk to about your problems and they're trained to help you."

"Help how?"

"By listening without judgement and they give you tips and advice. They just help you sort out your feelings."

"What am I supposed to do? Should I walk in there and say 'Hey mortal, I can't go a week without having a panic attack because I volunteered to be a flesh Acheron for Satan. He wasn't too happy about me foiling his plans to force his daughter, my ex-girlfriend, to marry him so he tortured me relentlessly until I was freed.' How do you think that conversation would go? What are the chances they don't immediately try to cart me off to a madhouse?" Nick said, flopping back in his chair as he picked at his nail bed. "I suppose I could just ensorce them-"

"Don't ensorce anyone," Harvey said, interrupting any plans of bewitching Greendale's psychologists. A long pause passed between them before Harvey said softly, "You could talk to me. I'd listen."

Nick was afraid to look up at him. If the help at the Academy hadn't been an olive branch, this certainly was. Nick wasn't used to making peace. He had far more experience in making enemies than friends. If only he had learned proper social skills and conflict resolution as a child instead of living in the mountains with a werewolf as his only company. After his initial reintroduction to society, Nick had learned to fake it well enough, quite well in fact. He had lost count of how many times the right words and the flash of his devilish grin had gotten him out of a pinch. Charm and wit came to him easily, but it was depth he struggled with. Everyone liked Nicholas Scratch, but no one loved him. All of his relationships had been shallow and flimsy, having long ago resigned to the fact that a warlock's heart just wasn't cut out for love. That was until he met Sabrina, and she had showed him how to love in the fiercely intense and unconditional way she did.

So while Nick’s instinct was to scoff at Harvey or ask why the fuck he'd want to talk to him, he fought it. He wanted to be more like her, but the best he could do was mumble out a "Thanks," still unable to make eye contact.

"You know, you could always have more than one friend if you were actually nice to people," Harvey said.

Nick huffed a small laugh. "I'm very new to the concept of friends. I'm also very new to the concept of talking about your feelings instead of pretending like they don't exist like a normal warlock."

"Roz would say that's some toxic masculinity bullshit."

"Roz is a very smart mortal," Nick remarked. "It's more of a witch thing than a man thing, but I'm trying."

"I can tell. You haven't been a _complete_ jackass lately. Sabrina could do a lot worse than you, like that Caliban guy that kept hitting on her. Now he was a real piece of shit," Harvey grumbled.

"Right?" Nick exclaimed, happy they were at least on the same page about Caliban. "When did you meet him?"

"Hell. First on the beach and then later that day when he tried to claim the throne. Then he showed up in my garage in the spring saying he could help change Roz back from stone if Sabrina listened to his ideas or whatever."

"How'd that go? I assume well seeing as your girlfriend isn't a rock?"

"No actually. The spell didn't work, so I punched him in the face," Harvey said offhandedly.

"Sorry, you’ll have to repeat yourself because I don't think I heard you correctly. It's funny because it almost sounded like you said that you, a mortal, punched a six-foot-tall demon prince of Hell in the face."

"I'm six feet tall," Harvey said defensively.

"Hilarious," Nick said, dismissing his remark. "But seeing as you're here and breathing, you definitely didn't hit him, right?"

"I am actually six feet tall and I actually punched him," Harvey said with a triumphant little smile.

Nick's eyes were wide with shock at the absolute stupidity of the mortal. "Why? You realize he probably could have disintegrated you by simply willing it, right?"

Harvey grew flustered and defensive saying, "I was stressed! My girlfriend was turned to stone! What would you have done if it was Sabrina and his stupid perfect face was just right there?"

"Not that!" Nick, shook his head and exhaled an amused laugh to himself. "You're fucking crazy, Harvey."

Harvey shrugged, "I guess love makes you do crazy things like trap the devil inside you, or clock a demon."

"Yeah," Nick mumbled and quickly changed the topic away from emotions like love. "I'm still doubting this whole six feet tall thing though, but maybe it's because you stand like a cane. Perhaps you could pass for six feet when you were dating Sabrina, but Roz is taller so if you really want to look it, straighten your spine. Shoulder's back, chest out," Nick said, demonstrating his proper posture.

Harvey furrowed his brows and made a face. "Sabrina’s so small. It used to hurt my neck looking down at her sometimes. You're a better height for her anyway," he quipped with a smirk.

Rather than getting upset, Nick was amused. "I wasn't aware that friends should be of compatible heights. Does that eliminate you and Theo?" he asked sarcastically.

"You guys are obviously still in love. You aren’t just friends," He said before pausing and biting his lip. Harvey looked up at Nick and said hesitantly, "If you are looking for some new friends though, or just someone to talk to, I'm around." 

"We can't be friends," Nick said. He watched Harvey's face fall but quickly added, "Because that would mean you're on the same level of importance to me as Sabrina and while with I may be very _very_ slowly warming up to you, you clearly don't hold the same status to me as she does. No offense."

"None taken. I wouldn't exactly consider us friends yet, anyway. Friendship takes time," Harvey said in relief.

"What comes before friends then? I think I have some spots open there," Nick said.

"How should I know?"

"Acquaintances?" Nick suggested.

Harvey shrugged saying, "I don't know. That makes it sound like we just met."

"Then we're cool. Cool?"

“Yeah, okay. We're cool,” Harvey said, nodding. Harvey's features split into a wide grin and Nick couldn’t stop the corners of his lips from twitching up into the closest thing he'd had to a smile in months. 

It was kind of nice to have someone else he could talk to, even if he was a mortal. Nick wasn't entirely sure if he was willing to get attached to mortals yet; they were too fragile and not easily resurrected. Harvey couldn't help the fact that that he was sand while Nick and Sabrina were stone. He'll have crumbled and faded before either of them will have aged a day. Tragic if he was a friend, but bearable as an acquaintance. Nick didn't know if he could handle any more tragedy. He likely wouldn't take Harvey up on his offer to talk about Hell, but he had still appreciated the offer. He'd decide later if he'd let the mortal get close, but for now they were cool and that was pretty cool.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time ever posting a fanfic. I just love Nick so much and I wanted to explore his relationship with Harvey and his feelings for Sabrina in the aftermath of part 3. Let me know what you think. I welcome constructive criticism but please be gentle as I am fragile lol


End file.
